You might not be a Christian if...

...you can sit through an adult rated movie and not feel uncomfortable.

...you feel that there are many ways to God and they are all equal.  

...you're not offended when somebody uses God's name in vain.

...you figure going to church is optional.

...your idea of Sunday Afternoon Roast is roasting the pastor over the dinner.

...somebody from work or school were to visit your church they would be shocked to see you there.

...you figure you have been good enough.

...you're glad you're not like one of them.

...your heart is not broken at the thought of 1000's of unborn babies being killed every day in the US.

...you figure the plight of the orphan, hungry, and the less fortunate is not your responsibility.

...you've never been snubbed, made fun of, or persecuted for your faith.

...your children have never heard you pray.

...your only confidence in eternity is a prayer you said sometime back.

...you figure you have an agreement with God.  You won't bother Him unless you need Him and He'll do the same for you.

...you figure premarital and/or extramarital sex are ok.

...you've never invited somebody to church nor told somebody what it means to be a Christian.

...you are more concerned with your kids getting good grades, succeeding at sports, or succeeding in life than you are them making it to heaven.

Brother Jack

Brother Jack was a deacon at my first church.  He was a good deacon and a jewel of a man.  

Now understand, Brother Jack wasn't a talker.  He stood about 6'2" or so, almost always smiling from ear to ear, but hardly ever said a word.  When he did talk his voice would crack from lack of use.

Here's the deal though, Brother Jack was a friend when a friend was in need. Why, I reckon I could call on him today to come help me in a jam, if that jam consisted of something needing fixing, and he would come running.  

Of course, sister Gloria would most likely be with him.  That's ok though.  Her and I could probably find something to cry or laugh about while we watched Jack fix whatever it was he was fixing.

This one particular time, my central ac wasn't working right.  It wasn't kicking on when it should.  

My father-in-law (a whole other blog) had looked at it.  He said the relay switch wasn't working. He took me out and showed me how to trigger it with a rubber handled screw driver and told me Brother Jack would know what to do to fix it.

Well, I took Jack over after church one Sunday morning to show him what needed fixed.  I didn't have a screwdriver though, so I took out a car key that had a plastic grip and triggered it with that.

Of course as soon as the relay made connection, I received the shock of my life.  Everything turned white and I was knocked back about three feet sprawled flat on the ground.

As soon as I had my wits about me again (as if they existed before), I looked up at Brother Jack and said, "Brother, if you were ever going to hear a preacher cuss, that would have been the time."  Brother Jack looked down at me grinning from ear to ear and said, "That was stupid."

Brother Jack may not have had much to say. What he did say though was pack full of wisdom.

My Top 10 Not So Bright Moments...

10.  I was singing in front of 200 college classmates and was just about to get irritated with two hecklers in the front row when I realized they were trying to tell me my pants were unzipped.

9.  When I was dating Kim, she hollered from across a parking lot for me to toss her the keys, so I reared back and threw them. She missed but I didn't.  The keys literally stuck into her forehead.  When I got to her they were seriously dangling off her head.

8.  I walked by my grandmother as she was bent over and I slapped her butt harder than I had intended.   She let out a holler and blurted an expletive.  This was the only time I ever heard my grandma swear and I made her do it.

7.  In an early pastorate, Michael was acting up as I was addressing the church early in the service.  He ran up on the stage and as I reached over and grabbed him, the seat of my britches ripped out.  I preached my entire message with the seat of my pants ripped out.

6.  We were at the Phoenix Zoo and a sweet young caretaker took special interest in me and my kiddos.  She was showing off a miniature deer that she was evidently especially attached to.  I couldn't hold in my stupidity any longer.  I piped in, "You reckon it tastes good?"  The sweet young lady wasn't so sweet after that remark...

5.  I took Nate camping when he was about 10 and I was obviously having bladder problems. After about my 10th trip to the outdoor toilet, Nate informed me in all seriousness, "Daddy, they have this stuff on TV called Flomax..."

4.  I had been particularly interested in a very hot female in my college World History Class.  I didn't know she was behind me one day as I was walking through a doorway and my backpack caught in the door.  As I held the door to free my backpack she began walking through thinking I was holding the door for her.  She flirtatiously said as she walked through the door, "Oh wow, chivalry is not dead!"  About that time I freed my bag and the door popped her in the face.  Chivalry might not have been dead but my chances with her were!

3.  I was sitting waiting on my pizza at Little Caesars and gas began to build up to the point of being painful.  I decided to release it quietly a little bit at a time.  I exploded gas instead.  It echoed through the crowded room as it ricocheted against the hard plastic chair.  I immediately put my phone to my ear and said "Hello dear.  Which one of the kids has been messing with my ring tones?"  It apparently worked.

2.  I was meeting Kim at our regular meeting place after class in a big crowded gathering room.  I saw her from across the room talking to a friend, snuck up and set beside  her and reached around to plant a wet one on her lips, only to discover it wasn't her.  Instead it was some unsuspecting stranger with a look of shock on her face.  As I stammered to explain myself I noticed another look of bewilderment from across the room followed immediately by a look of rage, as Kim observed my escapade. That took some serious explaining.

(Drum Roll)

1.  As a teen i had a heat rash in a very delicate location of my body.  After scratching it raw through the night, in the wee hours of the morning I became desperate for relief, so I grabbed some lotion not knowing what it was and applied it, only to discover it was Bengay.  I commenced to screaming and running through the house throwing my clothes off until I was completely naked.  I initially ran into the kitchen to the sink and began splashing cold water on it.  I then ran through my mom and dads room into their shower and found some relief.  I don't think my family ever laughed so hard.

Let me tell you a story...

Let me tell you a story, a story about so many, a story about you, a story about me, a story about nobody particular.  It could be a story about a family member, a friend or nobody you know.  It's a story about two boys or it could be about two girls.  For the sake of clarity we will reference our story to two boys named Pete and RePete.

Pete and RePete's Moms were very close....sisters, cousins, or friends. Pete and RePete were born in the same hospital just a few months apart.  From the beginning these boys were close, separate for nothing and enjoying each other's company always.  If one did it so did the other.  They played together, fought together, took naps together, and even got in trouble together.  They went on family trips together and went to the same daycare.  When school started they even went to class together. 

Of course they were always into some sort of mischief.  They chased the girls at recess, threw paper wads in class, and snuck peaks at the forbidden magazines at the general store after school.  They were what many might call, 'double trouble'.

As they grew older though the mischief grew to delinquency.  Their choices went from bad to worse.  They skipped school, snuck out late at night, and even shoplifted.  They went to the parties, drank the liquor, and even smoked weed from time to time.  They were good ole boys sewing wild oats, enjoying youth, living careless.  

As time went on though things began to change.  Pete began to get into more and more  trouble every day. RePete on the other hand began to reconsider the direction he was going. He began to make wise choices that put him on a path to improvement. He went to church and even found religion.  Pete was forging a life of destruction while RePete forged a life with positive destination.

Well, their choices pulled them apart, as often happens.  While Pete continued down the path of ill repute, RePete began to study and even attended church.  They remained friends for a while but eventually lost touch. Pete continued life living for the moment.  RePete lived each day preparing for the days ahead.

Over time things did change.....at least for RePete they did.  He graduated from high school and went on to college.  He got a good job, married, and had kids.  His life was a good life.

He didn't see Pete anymore, though he thought about him often.  He wondered what had come of him, if he was married, what he was doing for a living, how much he had changed?  He often thought he would love to see his old friend again.

Well, they did finally meet up again, after many years and life experiences had passed.  It was a sad meeting for RePete.  Not much had changed for the good for Pete, but much had changed for the worse.  He had continued down the path they once travelled together, reeking havoc everywhere he went, never considering the consequences of his choices..  He determined no matter the detriment, he would continue his chosen path.

With those choices taking their toll, Pete was no longer the happy go lucky guy he once was.  He seemed sad,  distressed with life, and even resentful. He claimed life had not dealt him the same hand as RePete.  His hand was one of loneliness, struggling, and hopelessness, while RePete's was of family, success, and optimism. Pete claimed life just was not fair.  He never considered it's not always about the cards you are dealt, but instead how you choose to play them that determines your life's effect and result..

Well, they parted their ways once again, RePete going back to his career and family and Pete returning to his life of self fulfilling ways and total dismay.   RePete lived to a ripe old age, enjoying life to its fullest each and every day.  Yes he had rough times as well as he did the good. He always tried to make good choices though that often resulted in the bad leading to good.  Pete on the other hand lived life much the same throughout his life, choosing to blame God and the world for the pain he reaped from his own chosen ways of selfishness and instant gratification.

The boys eventually passed from this life into the next.  RePete took his last breath in his home wrapped in the arms of his wife and in the presence of his children.  Pete died alone in a homeless shelter where no one was watching and nobody cared.  The story doesn't end there though.  Each left a legacy as well.  Among RePete's lineage were doctors, lawyers, and missionaries.  Pete's consisted of druggies, convicts, and hobos.

I know this story may seem strange and not so totally true.  I assure you though it is not so unique at all and it's truths apply to many, including you.  Each of us are found in this story, at least to a degree.  The choices we make today effect the lives we live and the impact we make tomorrow.  So be careful with your decisions, counting the costs and considering the impact. Choose to be a blessing and not a burden.  If so, you wilt depart from this world fulfilled in the end.

 

The Chosen Family: It All Began with a Smoking Hot Car

Before I started my fourth year of college (the first of five senior years) I decided that it was time to find my life mate.  I just simply felt I was ready and it was time.

I even made a list of qualifications.    She was to be brown haired, petite, smart, Christian, preferably FWB, and willing to follow me in the ministry.

For several months, I had been casually dating Cindy, a sweet girl that met all those pre-requisites except for maybe the last two.  She was far from Free Will Baptist and I'm not sure what her thoughts were on the ministry.  

A couple days before classes began, some of us upper class-men were helping freshmen girls move into their dorm rooms.  I know....how thoughtful of us.  I confess, I was checking them out!  The pickings looked pretty good too, if I recall correctly.

Before long, something hot really did catch my eye.   An old Plymouth Station Wagon pulled in sputtering and smoking. This appeared to be a distraction from what I was there for, but being the gentleman I am, I offered a hand.

Kim and her mother got out, rather frustrated and embarrassed.   We talked a little then I introduced them to Herbert, a friend with a bit more mechanical knowledge than me.

I didn't see Kim again for a couple weeks I think.  In the mean time, I continued seeing Cindy.

I went to the BSU (Baptist Student Union) Back to School Retreat I think a couple weeks after my original encounter with Kim in the parking lot.  We were in the same small group together.  

My interest was being stoked a little, but I was convinced she was too young.   I mean, after all, I was like three years older than her.  She definitely returned my interest though.

The topic of discussion for our small group that night was what we planned to accomplish in the upcoming school year.  I shared my marital plans.  I am pretty sure this scared the heebbie jeebbies out of Kim.

We did hit it off that night though.  We went for a walk together in the woods and held hands for the first time.  We did not kiss though.  I still had my reservations.

Move forward a week or two.  I had a date set up with Cindy at the BSU for a movie event one night.  I had continued seeing Kim, but I was convinced I was more like a big brother to her, though she most definitely saw it differently.

Well, Kim evidently became tired of my playing games.  She made her move.  She showed up that afternoon at my house and offered to fix supper.  There was no way I was turning down a home cooked meal! 

The problem was she also came  prepared to attend the movie with me. This was like a Brady Bunch episode.  I had two dates show up at the same place at the same time.  

I really liked them both, but one of them wasn't going to be too happy with me after that night.  I was horrified.  I didn't want to hurt either.

I ran to a very wise friend of mine, actually someone that had been in our small group.  I shared my predicament and asked for advice. After a moment of uncontrolled laughter, she replied:

"What did you just recently say you were looking for this year in small group? You asked that we pray that you find the right girl.  You even described what that girl would be like.  In that description you emphasized faith and ministry.  Which one of these two girls did you ask God for?  Which Is most likely to support you in the ministry? Which would you rather spend the rest of your life with?"

I do not know how much I hurt Cindy that night.  I'm not sure she was even that interested in me to begin with.  I do know I made the right decision though.

I chose Kim.  This would prove to be one of the wisest decisions of my life.

Kim was the one that would pray with me on a daily basis as we encountered the daily struggles of the ministry.  She would pack our bags and move with me across three states as we travelled where God led.  It was Kim that would raise my six children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  

There is so much more to share about our life.  This was only the beginning and I'm not even sure we had kissed yet. It would happen soon though....

The Chosen Family: Emma, Our Ugandan Adoption / Part 1

We really did figure we were done this time.  I was in my mid-upper forties and Kim....well, I was beyond my childbearing years.  We really did think we were getting too old for adding more.  I mean, to add a newborn at this point would put me at retirement before the child completed high school.  We had pretty much made a pact, no more kids.

About this time Michael, our then 22 year old, felt led to go to Uganda and do some missionary work.  I helped him schedule some services to raise needed funds, and we actually did some services together.  He would tease (so we thought)  as he presented something to the effect of, "I think I might bring back Mom and Dad a little African boy so he can make my little dark skinned sister feel more at home." We had no idea how prophetic his jest was.

Well, Michael raised his needed funds and flew to Uganda.  Communication was limited, but he had some access to Skype. He pretty much immediately began  Skyping about a 3 year old child he met in the orphanage that had stolen his heart.  This little boy was named Emma and had been found abandoned on the streets of Uganda at about a year old.  He had no identification, birth certificate or anything to tie him to any family.  

Uganda is one of the poorest nations in the world.  The average Income is about $2 a day or less...for those fortunate enough to find employment. For a country with a population of thirty million, there is reported to be over ten million orphans, the highest concentration of orphaned children in the world..  In reality i believe they use that term rather loosely.  Many of these children are not orphaned in the truest sense.  Their parents are simply too poor to raise them, so they abandon them on the streets hoping someone with better means will come along and rescue them.  Subsequently there is a high infant mortality rate.  As best we could figure, even in the orphanage these children were only being fed once a day a meal of maybe beans and/or rice.  The average life expectancy in Uganda is about forty years of age.

Anyway, Emma was evidently one of these children.  The police and the orphanage both did a search for family members to no avail..  Nobody knows what his first year and a half was like.  He was no doubt traumatized though.  He had night terrors even after we brought him home.  When he was first taken in by the orphanage he was very sickly and malnourished.  They nourished and cared for him to decent health though.  

  

Well, we ended up deciding to contact Wilfred, the orphanage director, about  the possibility of adoption.  I am seriously not sure what overcome us.  I do not recall a revelation moment like we had with Hannah.  We just did it.  We seriously had no idea what we were getting into, but we just knew we should do it.  The director said he was clear for adoption, so we jumped in head over heals.

I could only wish it were that simple, but it wasn't.  I stand corrected in my earlier statement equaling Hannah's adoption to it in complication.  We decided to adopt directly from the orphanage in order to save money and time. It did save money and maybe saved time, but I would not recommend that approach to anybody. We were totally at the hands of the nationals.  They were awesome, but there was most definitely a cultural and communication gap between us that was difficult to forge at times..

Like no other adoption, this adoption was most definitely a process.  We had the legal aspect to take care of, both in the US and Uganda, eventually securing a lawyer in both locations.  We had to have another home study done.  We needed shots before making the trip over.  That would cost several hundred dollars each by the way. We both needed passports. We also needed to purchase airfare for the trip over and back for both of us and the the child.  We could not purchase airfare in advance though.  The courts would eventually make a decision and give us just a few days notice before we had to be there..  Anyway, we had to figure on about $2,500 each for airfare.  We figured a total expense of in the neighborhood of $15,000.  That figure was most definitely conservative.

I mention the money because we were broke.  We had no savings and no available credit.  We knew though, if God was in it, he would provide for it.  We would basically have to rely on Him and donations.

Oh, did I mention what my wife did?  She went to church on a Wednesday night and requested prayer for needed funds.  After the service a young lady approached her and said she had always  wanted to adopt a child from Africa.  It was Sarah Myers daughter of career African missionaries, Darrell and Lyla Nichols.  I don't recall Kim asking my opinion, but she volunteered to bring them on board.  I seriously jest.  I cannot imagine this endeavor without the Myers at our side!

We called Wilfred and shared Jacob and Sarah's story.  He was excited and knew of just the child for them.  Ephraim was about two with a very similar story to Emma's.

Did I mention The Myers were in the ministry as well and pretty much living from paycheck to paycheck.  Now the total funds needed was about $30,000 and we had about 6-8 months to raise it. We shared our story with our church family and friends, and I plugged the need from church to church around Oklahoma for the next several months..

You know, God provided exactly what we needed when we needed it.  It seems the money was never there early.  We would see the need, sometimes panic, always pray, and then he would provide.  He did that for us right up to the very last moment.

We started this whole process in about March of 2010.  We were told by our Ugandan lawyer we could figure on going over to get the boys some time around the following winter.  We plugged along taking care of one need at a time until about November, when we received a warning call, informing us that we would be called over for our first hearing within the next 2-3 weeks.  To be quite honest with you, this pushed our panic buttons.  God had provided what we needed when we needed it all along, but at this point we were broke.  We needed about $15,000 and we needed it quick.  If they set up our hearing and we didn't have the money to fly over, we would very likely lose our boys...

To be continued...

The Chosen Family: Emma, Our Ugandan Adoption / Part 2

We went to church that Wednesday night with intentions of requesting prayer for funding and maybe asking for a special offering.  We were hoping to maybe come away with a few hundred dollars and a small start on the $15,000.  We had no idea where we were going to get the rest.  Instead, I was met by a lady before church who asked me how much we needed.  She wrote out a check right then for the full $15,000 in memory of her recently deceased husband.  Once again, God provided exactly what we needed, when we needed it, not a second too soon, and not a second too late.

I am serious when I say the rest of the journey is almost a blur, but I am going to try to chronicle it as best I can.  We did receive our call and had less than a week to appear before the judge in Uganda with the boys for the initial hearing.  I would love to say everything was smooth sailing from there, but not so.  The first obstacle was getting a flight in time.  We had all the money on one card and could not get the amount approved for the total purchase of several thousand dollars for the four tickets.  We ended up having to borrow the church's card to purchase the tickets.  

It started with that then went south for the next couple days.  We were trying to get arrangements settled with scheduling and paperwork in Uganda right up to the morning of our flight out.  I actually ended up calling our Ugandan lawyer at home at about 2:00 AM Uganda time to straighten out some issues for us.  Thank God for Isaiah's graciousness.

On the way to the airport we got tied up in traffic and were rear-ended.  We finally made it to the Tulsa airport where we caught our flight easily but were delayed in our Chicago flight going to Istanbul.  This was scary as there were only  two flights a week into Entebbe, Uganda.  We hurried between flights and made it though.  We were in flight.for a total of over 24 hours.  When we finally arrived in Uganda we were extremely tired.  We made it though and what we found at the airport was worth every bit of the hassle, stress, and discomfort it took to get there...

We were met at the airport by Wilfred along with our two boys.  I promise you, this was one of the most exciting moments of my life.  We went through so  much to get to this point.  The boys were excited to see their American Mommas and Daddies, as was their little friend who came along for the ride.  We struggled much over the next days with the other children vying for attention and hopes of maybe going to America as well.  You just didn't know how to respond when a sweet 4-5 year old little girl stretched her arms out and says "America" or "Daddy".

We left the airport and ran some urgent errands that took much longer than we anticipated. We finally took the boys to eat what was probably their first and only meal of the day at a local restaurant around three in the afternoon.  We were troubled as they didn't even take an order for the boys.  We were told they could eat off our plates.  We fed them most of what was on our plate then ordered for them as well.  We were so enjoying watching them enjoy their food.  We thought what we did was a good deed.....until BOTH boys vomited all over the restaurant floor.   Too much of a good thing is still too much.

We then went to our hotel, spent some time there with the boys, and they were shuttled off back to their home as we got some needed rest. The next day the rat race continued. We were picked up early and taken to Wilfred's house while Jacob and Sarah went for their court hearing with Ephraim.   All went well there.

This was an interesting day for me.  It was holiday time for the orphanage staff, so Wilfred had a bulk of the kids staying at his home.   I believe he had in the neighborhood of 30 children staying at his house.  He was going to court with Jacob and Sarah and his wife asked Kim to accompany her to the doctor with one of the children.  I was left at the house all day long with thirty something children ranging from infant to eighteen years of age.  They didn't soeak English and I didn't speak Luganda (native tongue), but we survived and actually communicated fairly well.  Well, the older kids made good of the situation..  They would look at me while talking then giggle out loud.  

Emma was attached at my hip the entire day.  I was his "American Daddy" and he made sure everyone knew it.  At one point Emma grabbed me by the hand and drug me about a mile and a half down a path and showed me a well where they went to get water.  He smiled from ear to ear, pointed, and said "See". It evidently was a favorite place of his and he wanted his daddy to see it.  I mentioned the long walk to Wilfred later and he replied, "That is not a long walk. This is prime property.  See those houses over there?"  He ponted to houses on a hillside likely several miles a away.  "They get their water from this same well,"  He said.  "They are poor."

The next several days were a comedy of errors.  We wanted so bad to get everything completed and our boys home by Christmas just two weeks away.  This turned out to be an impossible order.  We had our hearing with Emma on Thursday and the courts closed down Friday until after the holidays.  We rushed around and had the boys medical' check ups and such as that.  We had a couple scares there but all turned out ok.

Well, Jacob and I left our wives and babies in Uganda as we returned home to care for our families at home.  This was extremely difficult as we did not know how long it would be and we knew we would be spending Christmas apart.  Somebody had to return though and both of us had jobs and bills to pay.  Ugandan culture does not value the female culture quite the same as Western culture does and this bothered us.  We found comfort though in knowing that we basically would be meeting Michael in the air.  We had purchased him tickets when we discovered we would be leaving the ladies behind.  He was familiar with the culture and capable of caring for our families.  Our plan was he would be there within twenty-four hours of the time we left.  Something we learned during this adventure though was, nothing goes as planned...

To be continued...