That He Might Live

I usually have a clue where I am heading when I begin a post or message. This is not so much the case for this blog though. I don't know whether I am rejoicing or remorsing, praising or complaining, pressing on or giving up. At this point, I'm just not sure. I do know that there is at least an element of frustration as I sit in my car in the church parking lot while my family attends church due to a dry hacking cough that has plagued me for weeks. I just couldn't excuse myself to heckle the pastor with my horrendous noise throughout his message.

I am sorry if I offend you with my honesty, but I'm tired of being sick. Over the past several years I seem to have been to the doctor more than not. I know, overstated, but hardly a week goes by that I do not at least visit the pharmacy. There are weeks that I see 3-4 doctors before the doctors all close shop for the weekend. Sometimes that is in addition to a hospital visit or two.

All this, and up to about four years ago I considered myself a fairly healthy individual with better than average healthy habits. As an adult I have never smoked, drank, or even cussed .... well, not much. I ate a fairly balanced diet, was involved in my kids sports and other activities, and walked and ran on a fairly regular basis. I have always been fairly on top of my physical health and well, spiritual as well. No doubt I was far from perfect, but at least I made an effort Don't give me that health and wealth crap either. Not only does that not measure up to reality (speaking to those that judge me while checking their child's temp), but it fails the test of scripture miserably. Paul spoke often of sickness and struggle in this world. That said, though I knew this as myth, I still always believed I would remain healthy enough to serve Him fully until life's end or for some reason my drive subsided.

Well, I obviously was wrong. It started a few years back with high blood pressure, then progressed to irregular heartbeats and such. Eventually I was diagnosed with Parkinson's, only accepting that diagnosis after multiple surgeries and procedures on my back, neck, and wrists and a nervous breakdown. Now, I sit in my car coughing and hacking away while others are in God's House enjoying the warmth of His presense and the fellowship of other believers. My understanding is this cough and the subsequent shortness of breath may be related to medications I have been taking. I have had numerous tests and a couple doctors look me over and neither find anything wrong. It almost appears it is just something I'll just have to live with.

The funny part of this (I speak to you tongue in cheek) is this is all going on during what appears to be the most productive and creative moment of my life. My private counseling practice is doing awesome. As a matter of fact it has done so well, I have started an agency and we are basically overwhelmed with the influx of clients seeking our services. It is far from where it is going and needs to be but traveling there at an unimaginable speed. Arms of Compassion is blossoming as well. We have recently added two new generator teams with plans of doing more. Our overseas partner ministries continue to excel in ministry and compassion. We also recently hired a Promotional Director that is making massive headway in the areas of finance and recruitment. Well, then there is my family. I have the most caring and understanding wife in the entire world. There are my kids. If you know me you at least know about my awesome kids, My kids...I am so blessed.

I am sorry if I have rambled and complained too much. I promise you I could go on much longer. The question still remains to be answered....the question of why, what and how is God trying to accomplish through me and those around me during these trying times? Why is it that He seems to be more productive in my life as my ability to contribute diminishes? These questions have seriously troubled me lately and I have voiced them often. In retrospect the answer to that question seems to be revealed in the question itself.

Many years ago I became very frustrated as I failed to receive due credit for something accomplished in the Kingdom work. I moped around whining and complaining for weeks. My wife heard her fill of it. I'll never forget God's still small voice as He spoke through my humble wife, "Honey, it's not about you." Those few words totally changed my life. I got over my little pity party and out of that was born Arms of Compassion. These ten or so years later God has touched so many lives through Arms of Compassion, but He didn't even start until I first realized it wasn't about me.

Maybe I didn't learn that lesson as well as I thought I had. Oh, I did step out of the way some as I proudly began giving God credit for what I deep down imagined I had accomplished for Him. As my health fails, the truth is becoming more clear though. It never was me after all. It has always been Him.

Now I must ask this one more question, how much more can He accomplish as I fade into the background? How willing am I to step aside and yield the path and Glory to Him who rules over everything any way? I hope and pray that I will have the wisdom to know when I am in His way and the humility to not resist Him when He moves me out of His way.

Dear God, Live through me. And if I get in the way live around me. If I resist you even in that, live in spite of me. Lord if you can use me in my health, please do so. If my health must continue to fail in order for you to be able to move and bless, so be it. Lord Jesus, let me die that you might live...

The Miracle Child...

Several months back we discovered a young friend of ours, Holly Jo Hiatt, was with child.  Holly has been a part of our lives since she was about eight.  I had officiated her and her husband Dakota's wedding ceremony a little less than two years ago..  This was to be their second child.  Their first child, Blakeley, is a beautiful healthy child of eleven months.

From the beginning though, the doctors did not expect matters to fair as well for their new child.  There was not much movement and the ultra sounds didn't offer much promise either.  They didn't expect the baby to make it to full term and if he did, he would not survive long outside the womb. Since she chose to carry the child, the doctors basically instructed her to go home and "let nature take its course."  The prognosis was bleak.

The expected due date was late September.  Kim and I were awakened by a phone call at about 11:30 pm a week ago last Thursday.  Holly had gone into labor and was being rushed to Tulsa for an emergency C-Section  The prognosis was bleak.  We both prayed and posted unspoken prayer requests on FB, then Kim headed to Tulsa to be by Holly and her family's side during what seemed to be developing into a very dark moment in their lives.

I went to sleep that night fully expecting to be awakened to grim news.  I was awakened by Kim about 5:30 the next morning.  Surprisingly the news was not quite so grim after all.  The baby, John Brantley, was most definitely not out of the woods yet, but he was alive.  He has spent the last week or so in NICU hooked up to feeding tubes, breathing mask. and such, but they are slowly weaning off that.

Kim just called Holly and informed her I was writing a blog and wanted to know what his prognosis.  holly responded, "He is a normal. healthy, beautiful little boy."  I am just now getting ready to go see him for the first time.  Pretty darn excited!  God is good...