Tuesday, November 5, 2013

You might be getting old if:


10.  ...you start noticing a slight decrease in your total at Taco Bell.

9.  ...What hair that isn't turning grey is turning lose.

8.  ...the pregnant lady  dragging a stroller and corralling  3 kids rushes in front of you at the grocery store to hold the door for you.

7.  ...you wake up in the morning and for a short period of time wonder who in the world that person sleeping next to you is before you finally realize its your wife of 30 years.

6.  ...you go to a class reunion and someone comes to you, snaps their fingers, and says, "I know who you are!"  You reply, "Good! Now would you please tell me, because I haven't the faintest."

5.  ...you figure a more relevant translation of the 10th Commandment rather than "Do not covet your neighbors wife" might be "Do not covet your neighbor's burial plot."

4.  ...you hear your favorite song on the elevator.

3.  ...You loosen your belt because its too tight around your armpits.

2.  ...your friends trust you with their secrets cause they figure you won't remember them in a few minutes anyway.

(Drum roll...)

1.  ...it's taking you longer and longer to get from the den to the bathroom.  When you finally do get there, you cannot remember why you came.  Then, by the time you do remember its too late.

You might be driving debt free if...

10.  ...you have a Goodyear tire on the front right, Firestone on the back left, Cooper on the front left, and a donut on the back right.

9. ...you have ever told a police officer, "Oh yes sir, my blinker is working.  I just couldn't get my window rolled down in time."

8.  ...you have ever had the mechanic tell you he normally would call his grandfather on issues with this particular model, but he's been dead for about ten years now.

7. ...you use a pair of pliers to roll your window up and down.

6. ...instead of seat covers you have duct tape.

5. ...when you finally do take your car in to trade it in for a newer model, the rep tells you they will have to weigh it to see how much it's worth.

4.  ...you have a stop watch taped to your dashboard so you can time the distance between mile markers to figure how fast you are going.

3.  ...when you lose your station on the radio, you have to pull over and adjust the clothes hanger.

2.  ...you take your car in for a fresh cost of paint and request they return it to its original color, and the fellow asks, "And which original color might that be?"

1. (Drum roll...) ...you have a bumper sticker in your back window that says, "Don't blame me!  I voted for Bob Dole!"

You might have Parkinson's if...



10.  ...by the time you take all your medicine before breakfast your not hungry anymore.

9.  ...you're on a first name basis with four doctors, a Chiropractor, and a massage therapist, and on the frequent customer list at the the local pharmacy.

8.  ...your wife hands you the juice bottle that says shake vigorously before opening and asks you to hold it for a few seconds.

7.  ...your mind says go left but your feet go right.

6.  ...you have your seven year old open your child proof medicine bottles for you.

5. ...you have moments in which you know exactly where you are going but have no idea where you are nor how you got there.

4.  ...when you pull up to the drive through window and the attendant holds a drink carrier with five drinks crammed in it out, sees you reaching for it with your not so steady hands, and says, "Uh, if you'll pull forward, I'll bring it to you!"

3. ...the waitress at the local cafe thinks your a doctor because of your sloppy signature.

2.  Your friend doesn't order at the restaurant.  He decides instead he will just eat what you sling his way.

and finally...

1. (drum roll...) ...you have learned to laugh at your little mishaps resulting from Parkinson's.  You realize it  is something you have.  It is not who you are.  You consider it a gift instead of a curse.  You will not allow Satan to beat you down with it, but will instead allow God to use it to build you up into who and what He wants you to be...