10 Random Facts about Me:

1.  The Christian Rock Group Petra opened for me and a group I was singing with in the early 80's.  Well, my college ensemble was double booked with Petra at a High School.  We were shocked when we heard them rocking as we entered.  Needless to say, the kids found out renditions of 'Charleston' and 'Danny Boy' a bit of a let down.

2.  I was ADHD when ADHD wasn't cool.  At the end of my Junior year in HS my GPA was a whopping 1.65.  By the end of my senior year I had redeemed myself to the point that all I lacked to graduate was one semester of English.  I actually graduated with a GED.

3.  I went to college on a vocal and instrumental scholarship, studied music for four years, but graduated after seven years with a BA in Social Studies.  I sang both bass and 1st Tenor in college choir.

4.  I have been happily married for over 30 years but have six children by six different women conceived four states and on two continents.  My wife and I have one biological and five adopted children.

5.  I was commissioned as an officer in the Army in 1985 and served a total of six years in the Army Reserves.

6. Over the years I have made ends meet by serving as a security guard in pig slaughtering plant and a pickle plant.  I paid my way trough college mostly cooking and delivering pizza.  I have been in the ministry for thirty years, pastoring fifteen of those.  I also drove  school bus for about five years.

7.  I once met and greeted Garth Brooks as well as socialized with his wife Trish for probably an hour or so and didn't even know it.

8.  I made a public profession of faith at ages 8, 13, and 16.  When I look back to when my journey began with Christ I see the commitment and involvement beginning at age 16.  I was actually baptized after I answered the call to preach.

9.  I went back to school about 12 years ago and graduated with an MS in Counseling and have been counseling for about 10 years.  I now have a private practice in Tahlequah and an agency in Adair County.

10.  I have made a lot of mistakes, hurt a lot of people, and at times been a total disgrace to God, yet HE has managed use me anyway.  As Paul once said, "By the Grace of God I am what I .

The Easter Brawl at Buddy and Evelyn's

I'm thinking it was Easter Sunday, 1981, 34 years ago.  I was 17 years old.  The Canada kids, Bill, Bobby, and Lois, were all home at Uncle Buddy and Aunt Evelyn's and us Hewetts were visiting. 

Now understand, this was a grand event for us Hewett Kids, even now that we were all grown up.  We just about idolized our older cousins growing up.  Uncle Buddy was our 'cool' uncle. He was a Wrestling coach and his boys were all tremendous athletes.  And Lois...,well, she was Lois.

We had eaten and were just hanging out.  Lois and a young boy (escapes me who) took her dog for a walk around the lake.  

I was in the living room by myself watching tv.  Lois'  little friend came running in saying Lois' dog had bit another dog and its owner was following her down the road crazy mad wanting to fight.  

Being the macho teenage boy I was, I went to my cousin's rescue. I stepped outside and saw Lois walking down the road with a half crazed lunatic following on her heels yelling at her.

He wasn't wearing a shirt and was pretty buff looking.  He was likely in his low to mid twenties.  I am pretty certain he was strung out on something.  Regardless, he was crazy angry!

I ran out to meet them and the fellow turned his attention on me.  I do not recall much what was said, but I do recall this fellow wanted to fight.

After a bit, Dad came outside to try and defuse things.  There was no defusing anything.  He just squared up to Dad and said bring it on.

Eventually, two men came walking down the road.  One was evidently his brother and the other big burly guy his father.

Dad yelled up at them, "Would you guys come settle this fellow down before someone gets hurt?"  The burly dad yelled back down, "We're not settling anybody down. We're coming to scrape up the pieces!"

Well, by this time we had attracted  quite a crowd.  Buddy had joined us along with Bobby, Bill, and my older brother, Billy.

Of course, Uncle Buddy took over now.  He told everybody to settle down.  I recall him at one point saying, "Fellows, we need to watch our language.  There are ladies present."  (Which he soon forgot). To this Lois responded, "Dad, let's just leave.  These people are the scum of the earth."

Well, that's when it happened.  The original scum guy gave Lois a right hook across the chin.  At that, all hades broke loose.

Buddy and the Canada boys of course all converged on Mr Scum.  This left me, Dad, and Billy to deal with Big Brother and Burly Daddy.

From here on out the facts are a little blurry.  Of course the facts wouldn't be as interesting as my story anyway.

I jumped on Burly Daddy and pulled him by the beard and somehow ended up laying on my back with him on top of me.  While I was wrestling with him, Buddy was wrestling with Mr. Scum to my side while Bobby and Bill were I believe kicking the guys face in.  

Burly Daddy was just fixing to punch me when Evelyn came running over yelling, "Don't you hit him!  He's a minor!!!"  At that she reached under his armpit and pulled out a handful of armpit hair.

While this was going on, I could see Daddy and Billy duking it out with Big Brother across the road in the ditch.  Actually Daddy was wrestling around with the guy while Billy was banging the guy on the back with his fists.

Well, evidently Evelyn got distracted.  I think she started running around yelling at everybody to break it up. Anyway, Burly Daddy decided to start punching my face again.   Just as he was about to make mincemeat out of my face, Lois came running, jumped up, and planted her heels in his back.  He let out a groan and rolled off of me.

That was it.  It was over.  For whatever reason we all got up and went our separate ways.  At least that's all I recall.

I'm not sure who won.  I'm pretty sure Mr Scum wished he hadn't punched a Canada girl, Burly Daddy had to regrow some armpit hair, and Big Brother had bruises on his back for a while.

I'm also sure of this, the Canada crew is one tough bunch.  You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us!

OBAMAS Cell Phone Conspiracy...

I know that cell phones are dangerous and can be distracting in the vehicle.  The fact is thousands of people have lost their lives due to texting and driving.  That fact I do not dispute.

That is not the whole story though.  People lose their lives while eating fried chicken and driving as well.  

Why, just the other day I was casually cruising down the interstate at about 127.5 miles per hour.  I took my hands off the steering wheel, looked down, and picked up a piece of hot chicken and took a big bite of it.  

It was some of that spicy Cajun Chicken from Popeye's by the way.  That stuff is good.  If I didn't like KFC better, that's where I would get all of my chicken.

Speaking of which, I really like chicken.  I raised chickens when I was a kid.  I did it as an agri project.  I just about killed them though and failed agri.

Anyway, when I bit into that piece of chicken it burned my tongue.  I let out a yelp and dropped it in my lap...then I yelped again, 'cept this time I yelped a little bit higher.

Well, I finally got my wits about me, looked up and discovered I was on another highway, in another county, in another state.  I had no idea where I had been, what I had done, nor how I had gotten to where I was.  Thank goodness for cruise control!

The fact is, chicken is dangerous too.  I wonder how many people have lost their lives eating fried chicken.  I mean, you could choke on a bone, get clogged arteries, or if you eat Church's Chicken, there is no telling what might happen!  This is all aside from the dangers of eating chicken and driving.

You see, the truth of the matter is, the government doesn't want us having cell phones, because we use them to talk to each other.  I mean, you see something happen while vacationing in DC, what do you do?  You call your friends in Oklahoma and tell them about it.

OBAMA doesn't want us knowing the truth.    He doesn't want us to call and tell others what's going on in DC.  He seriously wants to take away your cell phone!

You see, the cell phone is the reason Obama can't eat at McDonald's any more. Nobody even knew OBAMA ate at McDonald's until a fellow caught it on his iPhone.  I saw it in Facebook, so I know it's true.

This fellow walked in McDonald's  and saw the president standing at the counter ordering.  He was was all made up to look like Stephen Tyler, but this guy knew better. Everybody knows Stephen Tyler doesn't wear a bow tie! 

Anyway, Obama ordered a triple cheeseburger, a small fry, and a medium Dr Pepper.  He then leaned over and whispered to his security guy (who was dressed up like one of Santa's Elves), "You can order your own.  Oh, and by the way, you tell Michelle, you'll be in the unemployment line with most of my other supporters."

Here's where it got weird. They didn't make the president's burger like the rest.  NOO!  They gave him real hamburger meat.  

I know this because I saw it on facebook.  They brought up a bull out of the back room and cut a piece of flesh out of him and led him back to the back room again.  Then they pounded out the piece of flesh until it looked just like the other stuff they serve.  

That's what they served the president.  They also cut up fresh French fries instead of serving those frozen things.

Then, low and behold, in came Donald Trump dressed up like Elvis.  They weren't fooled for a second though.  They knew who it was.  

I know this because what they fed him wasn't at all like what they fed Mr  Obama.  You see while Trump wasn't looking, they gathered all the dead mice out of the mouse traps and beat them into ground yucky meat type stuff.  That's what they fed Donald.

That's why the president wants your cell phone. He doesn't want stories like this to leak out.  The last thing he wants is for Michelle to find out he eats at McDonald's!