Why Must I Live On?....What Is My Worth?

"Preacher, I am 98 years old.  I am blind. I hurt all over and I can't even turn myself over in my own bed.  I have nobody left.  I have outlived not only my friends, parents, and siblings, but I have outlived even my own children.  My only company is a nurse that comes by to check on me occasionally and doesn't really like me or her job, this radio which the nurse must turn on and off for me, and you.  No offense, but that is not much to live for.  Why must I live?...Tell me, What is my worth?"

I was stumped.  I had known her for several months now.  I was attending seminary and as a side ministry and to make a little extra cash, I was visiting several nursing homes, delivering bananas to the residents and keeping them company.  This lady was one of my special friends.  She taught and challenged me a lot.  Her question broke my heart and at the same time challenged me beyond measure.

She was very intelligent, so my answer would have to be well thought out.  She made it very clear that she didn't want any nonsense like maybe she was there to be a witness to that nurse.  Her nurse went to church and didn't like her anyway.  (Did I mention my friend was a wee but on the cranky side?)  I thought about it a moment and told her I would have to take it to the house and contemplate it a little.  She was happy with that.

I struggled with my response all week.  I looked through scripture and talked to different people, but could not come up with a satisfactory response.  Just before I returned to see her the next week, this passage popped into my mind:

Ephesians 2:8

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. 

She was worthy not due to any merit or accomplishment of her own.  She was worthy simply because God cherished her.  His grace was the measure of her worthiness.

I rushed to see her and shared my conclusion.  She smiled from ear to ear and replied, "Good answer."

In retrospect, I'm pretty sure it was all a test.  She was teaching this young preacher a valuable lesson and it was a lesson I have not forgotten.  Our worth is not measured by our contribution or even out potential.  It is measured by Gods grace, which is beyond measure.

I might glory at times in my great accomplishments of life.  I have pastored several churches, influenced numerous lives, and even started a Compassion ministry and my own counseling business.  I have six awesome children, an awesome wife, and a multitude of friends.  Then there is this thing called sanctification.  I have come so far in my walk with Christ.  No doubt I have much to go in my sanctification, but I am much better than I once was.

Lest you think I glory too much, I more than not shame in my lack of accomplishment.  Yes, I might have pastored numerous churches, but that is because I have failed many.  Yes, I have influenced many to the good, but angered and hurt many as well.  In this sanctification thing, I promise you I have a long ways to go.  I love my family, but am often disconnected and short with them when I am connected.

So where does that put me?  Am I good enough or does my bad outweigh my good.  Am I worthy of God's presence or His love.  Well, in reality I'm not and never will be as long as I am clothed in this filthy flesh.  Isaiah and Paul both said, "Our righteousness is as filthy rags."

Actually, that is all part of His plan.  We must discover our own unworthiness to understand His grace and our need for that grace.  Our worth is not measured by our accomplishment or our great potential. It is measured more by Gods grace and His great mercy.  

So, do you measure up?  Probably not, if you are measuring yourself by your great works, sanctification, or keeping of the law.   But if you measure yourself according to God's grace, you stand as tall as His grace will reach, which is infinite.