In my counseling practice, I often encounter the issue of bullying. This is an issue that bewilders many. If you defend the victim, you just make things worse, but if you don't, the bullying continues. Yet the ramifications if bullying are staggering, leading to suicides and school shootings, etc. So what do we do?
When I was in eighth grade, there was a particular "bully" that often liked to make me the target of his fists and ridicule. On one particular occassion this fellow worked me over pretty good. Pretty much the whole student body gathered around to witness it. It ended when someone yelled teacher and we all scattered, including myself. Not sure why I ran. The only thing I had done was allow my face to be a human punching bag by a kid two years older than me and 4 inches taller than me.
My face was mangled badly and my body was a bruised and muddy mess. I went into the bathroom to clean up where I was shortly followed by our principal, Mr Wells. I was pretty upset and not very respectful, but he understood and managed to calm me down.
He invited me into his office where he tried his best to get me to identify the perpetrator. I refused to 'rat' on him. He knew who it was and asked me why I insisted on protecting him. I replied so ething to the effect, "You know, Darrell is not always this way to me. i think if he would give me half a chance we could be friends.". (Not sure what i was thinking)
Finally exasperated, Mr. Wells called the fellow in whom he knew did it and told him quite firmly something to the effect of, "I know you did this to John. I have no doubt you did it. Quite frankly, it makes me very angry with you. For some reason though, he has refused to identify you as the one who did it. I want you to know, if he would admit that you did it, not only would you be suspended from school, you would likely be expelled. I would not only call his parents, but would likely suggest they press charges. You could very well be sent off somewhere. Yet, he has chosen to not only withold your name but has even defended you. I honestly dont know why, but he obviously sees somethinig in you i dont. I guess consequentially you get a second chance. i dont know about you, but this is the kind of friend i would like to have. I don't know what you will do with this information, but i just thought i would share it with you."
We left his office that day and i never had another ounce of trouble with that kid again. We actually were kind of distant friends and talked on occasion after that. Folks, that was the wisdom of Solomon!
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