The Perspective of a Bullying Victim

I have been reminiscing a lot lately about my childhood and teen years.  To be quite honest with you, it has been quite painful  I was not the happiest kid in the world.  Don't get me wrong.  I had an awesome family.  They were supportive and stable, and all in all I had a happy home life.  The issue was not at home.  It was at school, especially Jr High and High School.

I was bullied throughout  my growing up.  I am not sure why.  I wasn't your typical nerd.  I was a pretty normal kid as far as appearance.  I was well built, smart, and even witty.  Somewhere along the way though, somebody painted a target on my back and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't erase it.  It basically said, "I'm a loser, Pick on me!"

Actually, I do have a good idea as to why it is I became a punching bag and ridicule post for so many.  I had an extremely low self esteem.  I believe this stemmed from academic issues. I had ADHD when ADHD wasn't cool.  I honestly was one of the smartest kids in my class, but I just could not seem to get organized, complete an assignment, or consequently, make the grade. I spent many a recess and lunch period sitting in the hallway because of incomplete assignments, watching embarrassingly as the other kids walked by. This humiliation poured over into my social life.  In my mind, I couldn't do anything.

As I said, I was of decent build and fitness throughout my childhood and teen years.  I worked out with weights and jogged consistently all the way through my young adult years.  Yet, I remember one of the most humiliating occurrences I faced on a regular basis at school and in my neighborhood was when the kids picked teams to play a game.  I was always the last to be picked.  Nobody knows how this hurts until they have been there.  I recall kids who I would have thought were my friends, arguing as to who had to take me on their team.  Folks that hurt.

This honestly wasn't just on the playground.  I remember walking into the cafeteria for lunch on a daily basis and just hoping I could sneak into a table with some other kids and blend in, so nobody would notice I was alone.  Honestly, away from school it wasn't this bad.  I had kids I hung out with running around town and such.  They were mostly of a different age and such though.  At school, these friends seemed to disappear.

You will notice, I haven't mentioned much about physical Bullying.  That was an issue, but it wasn't the issue. I had kids that regularly liked to pick fights with me per se but I wasn't really that much fun.  I didn't run away and I didn't fight back.   As I said I was pretty tough.  Probably tougher than a few of the bullies.  I just never could bring myself to hit someone else.  It just was not in my scope if thinking.

That wasn't the big issue though, except for maybe the humiliation.  One of the most humiliating times was when some kids of my grade staged a fight between me and the younger brother of one if them..  It was at a basketball game.  I could easily have handled this kid, but there was no way I was going to hit a kid younger than me.  They thought it was hilarious as I stood there and let this kid punch my face.

I guess my biggest pain came in the form of rejection.   There were kids in my grade I had known my entire life.  We were a small school.  They were somewhat my friends growing up, but by the time we reached high school they had formed their own groups and I wasnt part of it. I never understood that.  I did not understand why I couldn't be a part of that crowd.  They weren't really bad kids and weren't normally the ones who bullied me.  In retrospect, the bullies were very much like me.  Bullying was just their way to get attention.  I wanted so much just to be accepted.

So what is the point of my sharing this very personal part of my life with you.  This was 30+ years ago.  I really am over it.  Honestly, It helped make me who I am, and by humanitarian standards, I am a pretty good person.  I inspire a lot of people in life in many different ways.  My years of being bullied and rejected are the building stones of my success.

I guess the reason I have shared this is one, I just needed to share it.  It is something I have bottled away for many years.  I just needed to get it out in the open and get it off my chest.

Then, I think you needed to hear it.  We hear every day of suicides and shootings involving kids with stories very much like mine.  Now, let me point out, nothing of the sort never even remotely crossed my mind.  I might add as well though that two of my best friends growing up did face tragic early endings to their lives.

The fact is I had and have a supportive family that instilled in me a strange ironic confidence for the future.  I never doubted I would succeed in life.  In spite of the academic struggles, the peer rejection, and the low self esteem, I never lost my hope.  There is my conversion experience as a teen as well that totally changed my attitude and perspective on life.  I will address that in another blog.

The fact is though, many kids don't have that kind of support.  They are not only bullied at school.  Some are bullied at home.others go through splits in the home, witness drug and alcohol addiction on a daily basis, etc.  The list goes on.  These kids hurt!

So, what do we do about it?  I'm not totally sure.  For one, punishing the bully is not the solution.  As I stated earlier, they are often victims themselves.  Honestly, punishing them will likely just make it worse.  I believe the key probably lies in erasing the target from the victims back.   Build their self esteem.  Encourage them.  Connect them where they can succeed.  Give them hope for the future.

I welcome your thoughts on this issue.  This really was from my heart.  Hopefully in some way my rambling here has made a difference for some kid somewhere.  Basically the way it would make a difference though would be through you. Love a kid, support him, and give him hope...