Wednesday, January 20, 2016

The Easter Brawl at Buddy and Evelyn's


I'm thinking it was Easter Sunday, 1981, 34 years ago.  I was 17 years old.  The Canada kids, Bill, Bobby, and Lois, were all home at Uncle Buddy and Aunt Evelyn's and us Hewetts were visiting. 

Now understand, this was a grand event for us Hewett Kids, even now that we were all grown up.  We just about idolized our older cousins growing up.  Uncle Buddy was our 'cool' uncle. He was a Wrestling coach and his boys were all tremendous athletes.  And Lois...,well, she was Lois.

We had eaten and were just hanging out.  Lois and a young boy (escapes me who) took her dog for a walk around the lake.  

I was in the living room by myself watching tv.  Lois'  little friend came running in saying Lois' dog had bit another dog and its owner was following her down the road crazy mad wanting to fight.  

Being the macho teenage boy I was, I went to my cousin's rescue. I stepped outside and saw Lois walking down the road with a half crazed lunatic following on her heels yelling at her.

He wasn't wearing a shirt and was pretty buff looking.  He was likely in his low to mid twenties.  I am pretty certain he was strung out on something.  Regardless, he was crazy angry!

I ran out to meet them and the fellow turned his attention on me.  I do not recall much what was said, but I do recall this fellow wanted to fight.

After a bit, Dad came outside to try and defuse things.  There was no defusing anything.  He just squared up to Dad and said bring it on.

Eventually, two men came walking down the road.  One was evidently his brother and the other big burly guy his father.

Dad yelled up at them, "Would you guys come settle this fellow down before someone gets hurt?"  The burly dad yelled back down, "We're not settling anybody down. We're coming to scrape up the pieces!"

Well, by this time we had attracted  quite a crowd.  Buddy had joined us along with Bobby, Bill, and my older brother, Billy.

Of course, Uncle Buddy took over now.  He told everybody to settle down.  I recall him at one point saying, "Fellows, we need to watch our language.  There are ladies present."  (Which he soon forgot). To this Lois responded, "Dad, let's just leave.  These people are the scum of the earth."

Well, that's when it happened.  The original scum guy gave Lois a right hook across the chin.  At that, all hades broke loose.

Buddy and the Canada boys of course all converged on Mr Scum.  This left me, Dad, and Billy to deal with Big Brother and Burly Daddy.

From here on out the facts are a little blurry.  Of course the facts wouldn't be as interesting as my story anyway.

I jumped on Burly Daddy and pulled him by the beard and somehow ended up laying on my back with him on top of me.  While I was wrestling with him, Buddy was wrestling with Mr. Scum to my side while Bobby and Bill were I believe kicking the guys face in.  

Burly Daddy was just fixing to punch me when Evelyn came running over yelling, "Don't you hit him!  He's a minor!!!"  At that she reached under his armpit and pulled out a handful of armpit hair.

While this was going on, I could see Daddy and Billy duking it out with Big Brother across the road in the ditch.  Actually Daddy was wrestling around with the guy while Billy was banging the guy on the back with his fists.

Well, evidently Evelyn got distracted.  I think she started running around yelling at everybody to break it up. Anyway, Burly Daddy decided to start punching my face again.   Just as he was about to make mincemeat out of my face, Lois came running, jumped up, and planted her heels in his back.  He let out a groan and rolled off of me.

That was it.  It was over.  For whatever reason we all got up and went our separate ways.  At least that's all I recall.

I'm not sure who won.  I'm pretty sure Mr Scum wished he hadn't punched a Canada girl, Burly Daddy had to regrow some armpit hair, and Big Brother had bruises on his back for a while.

I'm also sure of this, the Canada crew is one tough bunch.  You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us!

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