Sometimes it's too easy to say no!

Don't misunderstand me. I am not saying say yes to your child's every whim.  I am simply saying, reserve your no's for times that it really matters and you can back them up with an explanation.. When your child asks why, you should be able to explain to him/her why.  After all, that is what discipline is about .... teaching and preparing for life.  

This is similar to a post I made on my Hope Counseling page.  One individual really took issue with it.  His contention was, the problem with today's children is that there are not enough no's.  Kids are allowed to do whatever they wish, whenever they wish and then we wonder why they are in trouble later in life.  I believe he missed my point.

Of course that is a problem, but it is not the problem in its entirety.  The lack of discipline is simply a symptom of the problem.  The problem is parents often don't care enough to train their children, whether it be through negative punishment or positive reward.  That's right, not all discipline is negative.  Discipline is simply training a child in the direction we hope them to go by whatever means prove to be effective. 

Back to my original point.  Don't be so free with your no's.  Make them count.   Reserve them for times there is either a lesson to learn or harm to be avoided.   If you avoid unnecessary no's, they will likely be much better received when they matter most.  

As for the disagreeable gentleman I referred to earlier, I honestly think he was as much offended with the picture of my son's haircut as anything.  I would much rather say yes to a haircut and reserve my no for a tattoo that cannot be removed.  Just like I would rather say yes to shorts in 50 degree fall weather and reserve my no for pants hanging below the crotch.  I would rather say yes to my daughter going to a slumber party and reserve my no for her wishing to go to a midnight movie with a boy three years older than her.

By all means, say no when it is called for.  And mean it when you say it.  Do not allow any amount of begging, crying, or dickering to wear you down.  But reserve those no's for when they count the most.        After all, saying yes is more fun anyway.

You can question my faith, but don't question the faith of my heroes...

I was originally diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease about three years ago.  That diagnosis was hard to accept then and, to be honest, I still struggle with it today.  I am slowly coming to grips with it though. But this is only after much prayer, changing doctors twice, and seeking multiple other second and third opinions, as well as suffering through a couple mostly unnecessary surgeries.  The diagnosis hasn't changed.  I have a chronic illness that will cause me increasing  pain and loss of body control over the years and possibly even the capacity to reason....that is unless God chooses to intervene.

That brings me to my point. Some might question my faith due to that last statement.  Honestly, I do not know if God will intervene or not.  I hope and pray that He will, but at the same time I am willing to accept His will, no matter what it might be.

You know, some of my greatest heroes of the faith went to their grave succumbing to disease.  There was the lady I pastored several years back who's cancer went into remission on two separate occasions only to came back again.  This time it would not go away.  It would eat at her until she finally passed from this life.  She never lost hope though. She faced death as an open door to eternity, an opportunity to be in the presence of her savior.   There is also my friend at the nursing home who outlived even her children, but suffered most of her life with rheumatoid arthritis.  She couldn't see, feed herself, or even turn over in her own bed, yet she never lost hope.  To my knowledge, she kept her eyes on the author and finisher of her faith right up to the very end.  The list goes on of saints who faced illness and even death yet never lost hope in an eternity with Jesus.  

Don't get me wrong, I still believe in the power of Jesus to heal.  I have experienced His healing myself, as well as witnessed it through the power of prayer in the lives of others.  God still heals!  The fact is though, His healing is in response to our prayer, yet our faith cannot be dependent on His healing.  We must choose to trust Him in spite of our sickness and struggles and His decision in regard to our prayers..

Though i do trust in Jesus and His power to heal, I also trust in His wisdom and insight into what is best for His overall plan.  To be honest, at this point I do not even expect to be healed.  I figure the sickness is with me for the duration and hopefully that is a long time.  I believe in Jesus to give me strength to carry on even in the face of greatest turmoil.  I still pray for healing or even lessening of symptoms, but I will not give up hope if healing does not come in this life. 

I am not saying I am ready to go.  Nor am I ready to face worsening symptoms at this moment,  but I figure He will prepare me as the time approaches.  In the meantime, I pray, "Lord, help my unbelief."

This is hopefully as negative an article as I will ever post, yet I felt it necessary to lay the foundation for the rest of what I will face and record.  I look forward to sharing my journey with you.

Until then...

the family man

"Honey, I'm an idiot!"

I learned four magical words several years back, that if used correctly and at the right time will thwart or end just about any dispute with my wife.  I don't care what I've done or how bad I've messed up, these four words will get me out of trouble or at least deaden the sting just about every time.  These words are, "Honey, I'm an idiot!"

Think about it.  What woman can pass that up?  She asks, "Why can't you ever remember to put the toilet seat down?"  You respond, "Honey, I'm an idiot."   "Did you remember to pay the electricity bill?"  "Honey I'm an idiot."  "I can't believe you put aluminum foil in the microwave!!!"  "Honey, I'm an idiot."  They will never argue that point, I promise you..  Discussion over!

I would have benefitted from this bit of wisdom earlier on in our marriage, but it had yet to be discovered.  Like the time I walked across a busy vestibule and kissed who I thought was my
fiancee only to look across the room and see her glaring back at me.  Or when she hollered across a Señor Bob!s parking lot to toss her the keys.  For a short moment I channeled my inner Troy Aikman.  She wasn't too happy as she dislodged a key from her forehead.   Then there was the time I failed to get her a gift or even a card for valentines day.  What about when I failed to bring a map along as we moved from Memphis, TN to Fort Benning, GA and ended up getting lost 100's of miles out of the way.  I almost got in a fight in small town, Selma, AL before we finally got back on track.  The list goes on....and on....and on...

I know I make light of it, but we would all do well if we would take ourselves a little less seriously and admit our shortcomings.  Once in a home study, our oldest two were asked in separate interviews what their mom and dad argued about the most.  They both replied, "stupid things that really don't matter much."  All of us are prone to make mistakes (some of us more than others).  Why not own up to it and get on with life.

The fact of it is, I love my wife very much.  She must love me too, because, though I may not be an idiot, I have made my share of boo boos over the years and she continues to put up with me in spite of myself anyway.

So, next time your spouse screams across the house, "What in the world were you thinking?!?", remember these four magical words, "Honey, I'm an idiot!" (Or at least admit your fault)  Works just about every time...

Until next time...
the family man

For what it's worth...

You ever notice that the phrase "for what it's worth" is usually followed by another phrase or statement that isn't really worth much?  In reality the worth of a statement is pretty much dependent on the perception of the one reading or observing it. If it interests you it's worth something. If it doesn't interest you it isn't worth much.   

I figure this blog will be no different.  What I have to say may not be worth much to many, but I do hope what I have to say is worth something to at least a few.  If nothing else it's worth something to me though.  It's an opportunity to share what's on my mind and maybe be an encouragement to a friend or two.

I hear that for a blog to be effective, it is supposed to have a specific focus.  I fear this blog might not meet that criteria.  I am a happily married man of 28 years.  I have six children ranging in ages from seven to twenty-eight.  Five of my children are adopted, coming from four states and two continents.  Two of those children are special needs, one autistic and the other double above the knee amputee.  I am a minister of over thirty years, having pastored for twenty and directed a Compassion Ministry for the last ten.  I currently counsel youth and families in order to support my family and my many habits.  I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease approximately three years ago.

As you see, I have a varied repertoire from which to pull.  That's what I plan to do.  I will share what's on my heart at the moment  I am sure much of what I have to say will be about my family, but I figure I will share some from my ministry and counseling practice as well.  No doubt my dialogues will at times include my struggles and experiences with Parkinson's.

I hope as much as anything, I can be an encouragement to a few.  I will try to be witty at times but serious at others..  I promise you my kids will keep you in stitches.  My opinions are many and varied.  I welcome your comments, whether they be negative or positive.

Thank you for taking time out to read this somewhat introductory blog.  I hope over the next few weeks, months, or even years we will get to know each other better. Until then though, 

Blessings...

the family man