Don't misunderstand me. I am not saying say yes to your child's every whim. I am simply saying, reserve your no's for times that it really matters and you can back them up with an explanation.. When your child asks why, you should be able to explain to him/her why. After all, that is what discipline is about .... teaching and preparing for life.
This is similar to a post I made on my Hope Counseling page. One individual really took issue with it. His contention was, the problem with today's children is that there are not enough no's. Kids are allowed to do whatever they wish, whenever they wish and then we wonder why they are in trouble later in life. I believe he missed my point.
Of course that is a problem, but it is not the problem in its entirety. The lack of discipline is simply a symptom of the problem. The problem is parents often don't care enough to train their children, whether it be through negative punishment or positive reward. That's right, not all discipline is negative. Discipline is simply training a child in the direction we hope them to go by whatever means prove to be effective.
Back to my original point. Don't be so free with your no's. Make them count. Reserve them for times there is either a lesson to learn or harm to be avoided. If you avoid unnecessary no's, they will likely be much better received when they matter most.
As for the disagreeable gentleman I referred to earlier, I honestly think he was as much offended with the picture of my son's haircut as anything. I would much rather say yes to a haircut and reserve my no for a tattoo that cannot be removed. Just like I would rather say yes to shorts in 50 degree fall weather and reserve my no for pants hanging below the crotch. I would rather say yes to my daughter going to a slumber party and reserve my no for her wishing to go to a midnight movie with a boy three years older than her.
By all means, say no when it is called for. And mean it when you say it. Do not allow any amount of begging, crying, or dickering to wear you down. But reserve those no's for when they count the most. After all, saying yes is more fun anyway.
Agree, agree, agree. I remember when someone was offended because we let Aaron color his hair fuschia. You would have thought we were allowing him to shoot up heroin in our living room. It's hair! It does not define a person. I have always advised people to save the word no for those times that there is no wiggle room. We are going to have to fight some battles to stand our ground...don't make battles out of everything. Great post, John.
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