You can question my faith, but don't question the faith of my heroes...

I was originally diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease about three years ago.  That diagnosis was hard to accept then and, to be honest, I still struggle with it today.  I am slowly coming to grips with it though. But this is only after much prayer, changing doctors twice, and seeking multiple other second and third opinions, as well as suffering through a couple mostly unnecessary surgeries.  The diagnosis hasn't changed.  I have a chronic illness that will cause me increasing  pain and loss of body control over the years and possibly even the capacity to reason....that is unless God chooses to intervene.

That brings me to my point. Some might question my faith due to that last statement.  Honestly, I do not know if God will intervene or not.  I hope and pray that He will, but at the same time I am willing to accept His will, no matter what it might be.

You know, some of my greatest heroes of the faith went to their grave succumbing to disease.  There was the lady I pastored several years back who's cancer went into remission on two separate occasions only to came back again.  This time it would not go away.  It would eat at her until she finally passed from this life.  She never lost hope though. She faced death as an open door to eternity, an opportunity to be in the presence of her savior.   There is also my friend at the nursing home who outlived even her children, but suffered most of her life with rheumatoid arthritis.  She couldn't see, feed herself, or even turn over in her own bed, yet she never lost hope.  To my knowledge, she kept her eyes on the author and finisher of her faith right up to the very end.  The list goes on of saints who faced illness and even death yet never lost hope in an eternity with Jesus.  

Don't get me wrong, I still believe in the power of Jesus to heal.  I have experienced His healing myself, as well as witnessed it through the power of prayer in the lives of others.  God still heals!  The fact is though, His healing is in response to our prayer, yet our faith cannot be dependent on His healing.  We must choose to trust Him in spite of our sickness and struggles and His decision in regard to our prayers..

Though i do trust in Jesus and His power to heal, I also trust in His wisdom and insight into what is best for His overall plan.  To be honest, at this point I do not even expect to be healed.  I figure the sickness is with me for the duration and hopefully that is a long time.  I believe in Jesus to give me strength to carry on even in the face of greatest turmoil.  I still pray for healing or even lessening of symptoms, but I will not give up hope if healing does not come in this life. 

I am not saying I am ready to go.  Nor am I ready to face worsening symptoms at this moment,  but I figure He will prepare me as the time approaches.  In the meantime, I pray, "Lord, help my unbelief."

This is hopefully as negative an article as I will ever post, yet I felt it necessary to lay the foundation for the rest of what I will face and record.  I look forward to sharing my journey with you.

Until then...

the family man