Seven Secrets to a Marriage Guaranteed to Last

I just spent the most awesome time of my life with the most wonderful woman in the world.  My wife Kim and I celebrated 30 years of marriage with a week long vacation in Hawaii.   It was a very special week, a once in a lifetime joyous experience.

Pardon our self indulgence, but if anybody deserved such a treat, we probably did....well, at least she did.  After all, thirty years of marriage is no small feat these days!  

I am often asked how we have managed to make our marriage last.  I am no expert I admit.  Being married thirty years has given me maybe some credibility though.  That, and I have worked with couples as a minister and counselor for about that same amount of time. I do believe I have some secrets that if applied will just about guarantee any marriage a success.

So, I am going to give it a try.  Here are our secret(s) to marital bliss and longevity.  Today we will start with secret number one, then we'll address additional secrets in the days to come.

Secret One - Choose the Right Partner  

I know that is easy for me to say.  I hit the jackpot!  You can find that right person for you too.  The key is taking your time and doing it right.  

Here are some important steps to help you do just that:

1.  Make sure the CHEMISTRY is RIGHT

I know this one can almost go unsaid.  Chemistry is important though.  If he/she doesn't make your toes tingle now, he/she probably won't in 20-30 years either.

There was something special about the time I first met my future wife.  I remember the tingling I got the first time we touched....the flood of emotions the first time we kissed.  

Those are are as important down the road as the are now.  Make them count.

2.  COURT before you COMMIT  

Take time to get to know each other.  I'm not talking physically either.  The longer you put that off the better it will be when it finally happens....I promise.

Start off by just hanging out together with friends.  Then maybe get to know each other's families.  After that, then start dating and spending time alone.

Developing a relationship is like  cooking a pot roast.  If you turn the burner up, you might get to experience it sooner, but you probably won't enjoy it near as much.

Guys, treat her like a lady.  Girls, be a lady.  If you don't treat each other with respect now, you certainly won't ten years down the road.

3.  Look for CHARACTER

Chemistry is important, but it isn't everything.  Is this the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with?  Will he/she be a good parent to your children?  Will he/she stick with you through thick and thin?  

Remember, what may seem cute now could haunt you in the future.  You can't count on your mate to change.  Make sure you are marrying him/her for who they are, not for who you hope they may become.

4.  Make sure you have COMMON INTERESTS

Do the same things make you smile?  Make sure you have ar least some shared hobbies and/or interests.

You definitely won't like all the same things.  Make sure there are some things you enjoy together though.  

5. SHARE a COMMON CAUSE

This is probably the most important step to a good start.  Going the same direction will help cover much of the other.  You can disagree on the route maybe, but you better have the destination down right.

Do you share the same dreams?  Do you share a like faith? Do you envision the same future for your family?    These questions are important to discuss before you embark on the relationship journey.  

You will not likely have this all down pat in the beginning.  Make sure you are going the same general direction though.  Make sure your goals do not conflict.  Make sure you at least have the same destination.

Well, that's how you get started anyway.  Starting off right doesn't guarantee a successful marriage.  Starting off wrong though does just about guarantee struggles down the road.  Start off as I have outlined here and you will definitely have a head start on a long and blissful relationship.

Be watching for more secrets that guarantee you a marriage that will last...