SIX CHILDREN BY SIX DIFFERENT WOMEN: Dawn Michelle - "We are going to have to terminate the pregnancy..."

Crisis is the breeding ground for miracles and praise.  We had only been married for less than six months when we encountered the beginning of what would be our first great challenge as a married couple.  

Kim was pregnant.  We were broke and had no insurance.  I was a fulltime student, interim pastor at a small rural church, and worked part time as a delivery driver for Domino's Pizza.  

I believe we grossed less than $9,000 during our first full tax year together.  Logically speaking, we had no business even being married, let alone having babies.

We were foolish and excited though.  We had no fears.  

I cannot say so much about my Mother-in-law.  We called and shared the news with her and she was very concerned and was very outspoken with her concern, as was her norm.  

Who could blame her?  We were not ready.  

I actually had words with her and we did not speak I believe until about time for the baby to be born.  My thoughts were, we could handle it without her anyway.  Little did I know...

Well, things went along fairly well for the first six months, then Kim started having BP issues.  (this was one of her mom's fears by the way)  She ended up having to quit work and take it easy.  

We survived that way for a little bit, then at about 29 weeks Kim developed an excruciating headache and drove herself to the doctor.  At the doctor's office her blood pressure read 220/170.  Of course they hospitalized her immediately.  

Her mom came and stayed with her in the hospital room while I continued to work and go to school.  By this time I was a full time security guard at a plant about fifteen miles out of town.  Her mom and I still weren't talking, but that would soon change.

I was at work when I received the call.  It was Nancy, my mother-in-law.  She was livid.  The doctor had come in and said there was nothing more they could do.  I believe his exact words were, "We are going to have to terminate the pregnancy."  

I'm not sure what Nancy's words were, but I probably wouldn't repeat them anyway. The same meddling mother-in-law who had ticked me off with her bold words earlier very possibly saved my baby's life with that same boldness. 

She requested an immediate transfer to Baptist Hospital in Little Rock, about 65 miles away, where there was an NICU.  When they called me, Med Flight was already on the way.

I don't remember much about the trip from work to the hospital.  I know it went fast.  The helicopter arrived about the same time I did.  

I kissed Kim good bye and then rode with Nancy the long 65 mile stretch between the hospitals.  She insisted on driving due to my state of mind.  She drove pretty fast herself.  We beat the helicopter.  

We had time to talk though.  There were no apologies, just an unsaid understanding that there were more important matters at stake than our petty differences.

Well, we got to the hospital and I was immediately met by hospital personell and began signing my life away.  I was worried about my wife and baby and they were just making sure they got paid.  

I remember looking up at my father-in-law and asking should I be reading what I was signing.  He responded, "Why?  What are you going to do if you don't like what they say?"  Good point.

Well, while I was signing, Kim was rushed into surgery and Dawn was born at a whopping 3.5 lbs.  I really didn't know if either would survive.  

Immediately after the surgery I was escorted back by nursess to see my newborn baby.  I remember thinking, "She is beautiful, but is my wife alive?"  The nurses around me had no clue.  All they knew about was the baby.  I kept asking and they kept saying they didn't know.  I sincerely feared my wife had not survived.

I finally met up with somebody who took me back to see Kim.  She was still struggling with her BP but was alive.  It was a long road for both.  

Kim's BP continued to skyrocket for days until once again Nancy spoke up.  Kim had not seen the baby.  She was not sure we weren't lying to her about The baby even surviving.  When Nancy finally got her way and Kim was able to see her baby, her BP finally leveled out.

It was a long recovery for both, but both eventually got better.  Kim was released after about five days. Dawn dropped down to as little as two pounds thirteen ounces within the first couple days, but improved from there on out.  She was expected to be in the hospital for eight weeks but went home after five.  

When Kim was released she moved in with her parents close by the hospital, while I continued to work and go to school.  It was exhausting but we survived.  

Our bills ended up totaling over $100,000 yet we were only held responsible for a few hundred.  There was no "ObamaCare" then but we were taken care of somehow anyway.  God is good.

That little baby the doctor wished to "terminate" is now happily married, serving God in the ministry, and teaching public school....oh, and planning to have a child of her own some day in the not so far future.  

Nancy ended up struggling for several years with colon cancer until she finally did succumb to it several years ago.  We would have many more spats over the years, but we always managed to get past it.  Her brassness did rub me wrong, but I learned to live with it.  In retrospect, I'm glad she was who she was.

I guess I could look back and note the pain we went through those many difficult days and wish we would have done things differently.  If we had though, things would likely be different now.  We maybe wouldn't have had that precious little girl that has grown to be such a blessing to so many.  What about the next five God brought into our lives.  Where would they be?  Where would we be?  

Yes, at the time the pain seemed unbearable to us I'm sure.  Out of that pain sprang not just one but many miracles.  In at.least a small way, our temporary trial changed the world and ultimately made it a better place.  Thank God for the miracle of life!

Top Ten Stupid Things Parents Say

10. "This is going to hurt me more than you!"

9.  "I'm not going to stop til you quit crying!"

8.  "Do you think I'm stupid or something?"

7.  "How many times am I going to have to tell you this is your last warning?"

6. " My child would never do that!"  Don't fool yourself...

5.  "I'm not going to say it again!" Haha, do you promise?

4.  "Go ahead, try me! "

For an ADHD child that is just too hard to resist.

3.  After screaming at the tip of your lungs, "Did you hear what I said?"

2.  "Why can't you be more like your brother?"

1.  "You are just like your good for nothing father"

*5 Honorable Mention Top Ten Stupid Things Parents Say...

1)  "Yep, drinking beer and smoking weed.  Those were the good old days."

2) "You will never amount to anything."

3) "Don't grow up to be like me."

4)  "Ok, just this once though..."  

5) "Only babies cry."

**Understand, I have heard parents say these things...

The Stolen Christmas

As festive as this season is, it is also very stressful for many.  Actually, this is probably the most anxiety ridden time of the year.  Much of that stress has to do with the purchasing, giving, and getting of gifts, and the lack thereof.  One might say that the root of all (or much) Christmas anxiety is the want of gifts.  We all want to get and give gifts that will be remembered forever.  The fact is though, we seem to remember Christmases more by the activities surrounding them than we do the gifts received.  To be honest with you, I can hardly remember any particular gifts I received, but I can remember a lot of Christmases.  I remember the festivities and family time. I remember shopping trips even....but I don't remember the gifts.

My family seemed to fluctuate from one year to the next between "Big Haul" Christmases and "Slim Pickins" Christmases.  I mean, every Christmas was good, but some Christmases were just more lucrative than others.  This year was one of the biggest Christmases ever though, probably the biggest.  If I remember correctly, my parents spent upward of $400 on the four of us that year.  That was a lot of money in those days!  We had gifts stacked up under the tree and all over the room....and that was before Santa visited.  We were excited!  I could hardly wait for Christmas morning when I would get to open up my share of the Christmas haul.

I'm not sure where we had gone, but we had all loaded up in the car and gone somewhere.  When we returned home we were devastated at what we found.  The front door was wide open.  We walled into the living room and saw nothing but the bare furniture and a lonely tree.  We were shocked.  My baby sister was especially upset, sobbing uncontrollably.  I don't recall, but figure I was pretty upset myself.  Dad was beyond upset.  He was livid.  The first thing he did was call the police, then went to our neighbors to see if they had seen anything suspicious.  They remembered seeing a strange truck leave  our driveway.  We got the description and shared it with the police.

Well, if I remember correctly, the police came and left and I believe my dad went looking for that truck.  I'm sure Mom could only hope he didn't find it!  He was back, and my sister was probably emotionally exhausted.  Anyway, she went to her room....maybe to mourn a Christmas with no gifts.  I don't totally recall how the next few moments transpired.  I figure my sister let out a scream and my parents went running into her room.  When I finally made it to the room everybody was standing around her closet staring with looks of shock on their face.  The closet was packed full of Christmas gifts.  With them was a note from my Uncle Buddy with writing on it to this effect, "I have told you guys to lock your doors!"

Well, we were excited to have our gifts back, but we were also pretty irritated with Uncle Buddy.  Actually, for a short time I believe Dad was more angry with his Uncle than he had been with the alleged Christmas thieves.  He called him and they had a few choice words.  Honestly, Uncle Buddy had no idea how far his little prank would go.  He simply thought he would teach Dad a lesson for leaving the front door unlocked.  

Well, Dad and Uncle Buddy patched things up eventually as they always did.   I figure by the end of the day we were all laughing about the whole ordeal.   Of course, this was after we had called the police off and gotten a pretty good lecture from them on the error of filing false police reports.

Believe it or not, I do not recall any of the gifts received that Christmas, but I do recall that Christmas very wall. Dad and Buddy would chuckle about that day on occasion for many years to come.  I am not saying go break into a family members house and hide all their gifts.  That could cause some serious family conflict.  I am saying though, don't sweat the gifts too much.  More importantly, make memories.  The gifts will be outlived, but the memories will last a lifetime.

Oh, Dad did get even, but that is a whole different story...

You might be getting old if:

10.  ...you start noticing a slight decrease in your total at Taco Bell.

9.  ...What hair that isn't turning grey is turning lose.

8.  ...the pregnant lady  dragging a stroller and corralling  3 kids rushes in front of you at the grocery store to hold the door for you.

7.  ...you wake up in the morning and for a short period of time wonder who in the world that person sleeping next to you is before you finally realize its your wife of 30 years.

6.  ...you go to a class reunion and someone comes to you, snaps their fingers, and says, "I know who you are!"  You reply, "Good! Now would you please tell me, because I haven't the faintest."

5.  ...you figure a more relevant translation of the 10th Commandment rather than "Do not covet your neighbors wife" might be "Do not covet your neighbor's burial plot."

4.  ...you hear your favorite song on the elevator.

3.  ...You loosen your belt because its too tight around your armpits.

2.  ...your friends trust you with their secrets cause they figure you won't remember them in a few minutes anyway.

(Drum roll...)

1.  ...it's taking you longer and longer to get from the den to the bathroom.  When you finally do get there, you cannot remember why you came.  Then, by the time you do remember its too late.

You might be driving debt free if...

10.  ...you have a Goodyear tire on the front right, Firestone on the back left, Cooper on the front left, and a donut on the back right.

9. ...you have ever told a police officer, "Oh yes sir, my blinker is working.  I just couldn't get my window rolled down in time."

8.  ...you have ever had the mechanic tell you he normally would call his grandfather on issues with this particular model, but he's been dead for about ten years now.

7. ...you use a pair of pliers to roll your window up and down.

6. ...instead of seat covers you have duct tape.

5. ...when you finally do take your car in to trade it in for a newer model, the rep tells you they will have to weigh it to see how much it's worth.

4.  ...you have a stop watch taped to your dashboard so you can time the distance between mile markers to figure how fast you are going.

3.  ...when you lose your station on the radio, you have to pull over and adjust the clothes hanger.

2.  ...you take your car in for a fresh cost of paint and request they return it to its original color, and the fellow asks, "And which original color might that be?"

1. (Drum roll...) ...you have a bumper sticker in your back window that says, "Don't blame me!  I voted for Bob Dole!"

You might have Parkinson's if...

10.  ...by the time you take all your medicine before breakfast your not hungry anymore.

9.  ...you're on a first name basis with four doctors, a Chiropractor, and a massage therapist, and on the frequent customer list at the the local pharmacy.

8.  ...your wife hands you the juice bottle that says shake vigorously before opening and asks you to hold it for a few seconds.

7.  ...your mind says go left but your feet go right.

6.  ...you have your seven year old open your child proof medicine bottles for you.

5. ...you have moments in which you know exactly where you are going but have no idea where you are nor how you got there.

4.  ...when you pull up to the drive through window and the attendant holds a drink carrier with five drinks crammed in it out, sees you reaching for it with your not so steady hands, and says, "Uh, if you'll pull forward, I'll bring it to you!"

3. ...the waitress at the local cafe thinks your a doctor because of your sloppy signature.

2.  Your friend doesn't order at the restaurant.  He decides instead he will just eat what you sling his way.

and finally...

1. (drum roll...) ...you have learned to laugh at your little mishaps resulting from Parkinson's.  You realize it  is something you have.  It is not who you are.  You consider it a gift instead of a curse.  You will not allow Satan to beat you down with it, but will instead allow God to use it to build you up into who and what He wants you to be...

Sometimes it's too easy to say no!

Don't misunderstand me. I am not saying say yes to your child's every whim.  I am simply saying, reserve your no's for times that it really matters and you can back them up with an explanation.. When your child asks why, you should be able to explain to him/her why.  After all, that is what discipline is about .... teaching and preparing for life.  

This is similar to a post I made on my Hope Counseling page.  One individual really took issue with it.  His contention was, the problem with today's children is that there are not enough no's.  Kids are allowed to do whatever they wish, whenever they wish and then we wonder why they are in trouble later in life.  I believe he missed my point.

Of course that is a problem, but it is not the problem in its entirety.  The lack of discipline is simply a symptom of the problem.  The problem is parents often don't care enough to train their children, whether it be through negative punishment or positive reward.  That's right, not all discipline is negative.  Discipline is simply training a child in the direction we hope them to go by whatever means prove to be effective. 

Back to my original point.  Don't be so free with your no's.  Make them count.   Reserve them for times there is either a lesson to learn or harm to be avoided.   If you avoid unnecessary no's, they will likely be much better received when they matter most.  

As for the disagreeable gentleman I referred to earlier, I honestly think he was as much offended with the picture of my son's haircut as anything.  I would much rather say yes to a haircut and reserve my no for a tattoo that cannot be removed.  Just like I would rather say yes to shorts in 50 degree fall weather and reserve my no for pants hanging below the crotch.  I would rather say yes to my daughter going to a slumber party and reserve my no for her wishing to go to a midnight movie with a boy three years older than her.

By all means, say no when it is called for.  And mean it when you say it.  Do not allow any amount of begging, crying, or dickering to wear you down.  But reserve those no's for when they count the most.        After all, saying yes is more fun anyway.

You can question my faith, but don't question the faith of my heroes...

I was originally diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease about three years ago.  That diagnosis was hard to accept then and, to be honest, I still struggle with it today.  I am slowly coming to grips with it though. But this is only after much prayer, changing doctors twice, and seeking multiple other second and third opinions, as well as suffering through a couple mostly unnecessary surgeries.  The diagnosis hasn't changed.  I have a chronic illness that will cause me increasing  pain and loss of body control over the years and possibly even the capacity to reason....that is unless God chooses to intervene.

That brings me to my point. Some might question my faith due to that last statement.  Honestly, I do not know if God will intervene or not.  I hope and pray that He will, but at the same time I am willing to accept His will, no matter what it might be.

You know, some of my greatest heroes of the faith went to their grave succumbing to disease.  There was the lady I pastored several years back who's cancer went into remission on two separate occasions only to came back again.  This time it would not go away.  It would eat at her until she finally passed from this life.  She never lost hope though. She faced death as an open door to eternity, an opportunity to be in the presence of her savior.   There is also my friend at the nursing home who outlived even her children, but suffered most of her life with rheumatoid arthritis.  She couldn't see, feed herself, or even turn over in her own bed, yet she never lost hope.  To my knowledge, she kept her eyes on the author and finisher of her faith right up to the very end.  The list goes on of saints who faced illness and even death yet never lost hope in an eternity with Jesus.  

Don't get me wrong, I still believe in the power of Jesus to heal.  I have experienced His healing myself, as well as witnessed it through the power of prayer in the lives of others.  God still heals!  The fact is though, His healing is in response to our prayer, yet our faith cannot be dependent on His healing.  We must choose to trust Him in spite of our sickness and struggles and His decision in regard to our prayers..

Though i do trust in Jesus and His power to heal, I also trust in His wisdom and insight into what is best for His overall plan.  To be honest, at this point I do not even expect to be healed.  I figure the sickness is with me for the duration and hopefully that is a long time.  I believe in Jesus to give me strength to carry on even in the face of greatest turmoil.  I still pray for healing or even lessening of symptoms, but I will not give up hope if healing does not come in this life. 

I am not saying I am ready to go.  Nor am I ready to face worsening symptoms at this moment,  but I figure He will prepare me as the time approaches.  In the meantime, I pray, "Lord, help my unbelief."

This is hopefully as negative an article as I will ever post, yet I felt it necessary to lay the foundation for the rest of what I will face and record.  I look forward to sharing my journey with you.

Until then...

the family man

"Honey, I'm an idiot!"

I learned four magical words several years back, that if used correctly and at the right time will thwart or end just about any dispute with my wife.  I don't care what I've done or how bad I've messed up, these four words will get me out of trouble or at least deaden the sting just about every time.  These words are, "Honey, I'm an idiot!"

Think about it.  What woman can pass that up?  She asks, "Why can't you ever remember to put the toilet seat down?"  You respond, "Honey, I'm an idiot."   "Did you remember to pay the electricity bill?"  "Honey I'm an idiot."  "I can't believe you put aluminum foil in the microwave!!!"  "Honey, I'm an idiot."  They will never argue that point, I promise you..  Discussion over!

I would have benefitted from this bit of wisdom earlier on in our marriage, but it had yet to be discovered.  Like the time I walked across a busy vestibule and kissed who I thought was my
fiancee only to look across the room and see her glaring back at me.  Or when she hollered across a Señor Bob!s parking lot to toss her the keys.  For a short moment I channeled my inner Troy Aikman.  She wasn't too happy as she dislodged a key from her forehead.   Then there was the time I failed to get her a gift or even a card for valentines day.  What about when I failed to bring a map along as we moved from Memphis, TN to Fort Benning, GA and ended up getting lost 100's of miles out of the way.  I almost got in a fight in small town, Selma, AL before we finally got back on track.  The list goes on....and on....and on...

I know I make light of it, but we would all do well if we would take ourselves a little less seriously and admit our shortcomings.  Once in a home study, our oldest two were asked in separate interviews what their mom and dad argued about the most.  They both replied, "stupid things that really don't matter much."  All of us are prone to make mistakes (some of us more than others).  Why not own up to it and get on with life.

The fact of it is, I love my wife very much.  She must love me too, because, though I may not be an idiot, I have made my share of boo boos over the years and she continues to put up with me in spite of myself anyway.

So, next time your spouse screams across the house, "What in the world were you thinking?!?", remember these four magical words, "Honey, I'm an idiot!" (Or at least admit your fault)  Works just about every time...

Until next time...
the family man

For what it's worth...

You ever notice that the phrase "for what it's worth" is usually followed by another phrase or statement that isn't really worth much?  In reality the worth of a statement is pretty much dependent on the perception of the one reading or observing it. If it interests you it's worth something. If it doesn't interest you it isn't worth much.   

I figure this blog will be no different.  What I have to say may not be worth much to many, but I do hope what I have to say is worth something to at least a few.  If nothing else it's worth something to me though.  It's an opportunity to share what's on my mind and maybe be an encouragement to a friend or two.

I hear that for a blog to be effective, it is supposed to have a specific focus.  I fear this blog might not meet that criteria.  I am a happily married man of 28 years.  I have six children ranging in ages from seven to twenty-eight.  Five of my children are adopted, coming from four states and two continents.  Two of those children are special needs, one autistic and the other double above the knee amputee.  I am a minister of over thirty years, having pastored for twenty and directed a Compassion Ministry for the last ten.  I currently counsel youth and families in order to support my family and my many habits.  I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease approximately three years ago.

As you see, I have a varied repertoire from which to pull.  That's what I plan to do.  I will share what's on my heart at the moment  I am sure much of what I have to say will be about my family, but I figure I will share some from my ministry and counseling practice as well.  No doubt my dialogues will at times include my struggles and experiences with Parkinson's.

I hope as much as anything, I can be an encouragement to a few.  I will try to be witty at times but serious at others..  I promise you my kids will keep you in stitches.  My opinions are many and varied.  I welcome your comments, whether they be negative or positive.

Thank you for taking time out to read this somewhat introductory blog.  I hope over the next few weeks, months, or even years we will get to know each other better. Until then though, 

Blessings...

the family man